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How To Love Yourself

Loving who you areLoving yourself is an important part of enjoying and getting the most out of your life. It is crucial for getting and maintaining satisfying relationships with others. Babe loving yourself is mainly having self respect, which is the only dependable way to create love in your own life. To be able to be loved, you must love and respect yourself. Do not allow anybody tell you how your life should be. I am at that point in my life where I  do not have patients for rubbish. I do not allow people to tolerate me, for what kwanu? If you think the sun shine from you and the moon sets with you nne I will shift kiakia from you. Who has time for drama? See sistas create your own activity!!!

Mandy Hale said and I quote,’ If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be chasing people who don’t love you either’. Trust me sis you don wanna find yourself in this situation cos you will be messed royally. You see all these people you are chasing to validate yourself? They have little little demons that they are fighting with, in my own language I will say they have their own “skoyi skoyi”

There is a story trending this week on instagram. American plus sized yoga instructor, Jessamyn Stanley is a woman confident about herself and about her body. She never shies away from sharing photos of herself practising her act via any social media platform. She said recently in one of her interviews that the world we live in makes it difficult to be confident in yourself( tell me about it). She said that social media is good but just like every other media determines what is accepted, believed, emulated, liked, loved, glamorous etc(Gbamsolutely!!!). As a plus sized woman, she said that her confidence and self love is always evolving. She said that self hate doesn’t go away that it takes work!(Babe talk on oo!)

Jessamyn said that she makes it a point of duty to constantly go back to her drawing table to wipe away yesterday actions and try to release both the good and bad emotions. She advised that one should try to be compassionate towards herself, try to show yourself love instead of hate. Decide that against all odd that you must survive.

I am going to put down a checklist of sort to help us. Some I have been practicing, some I read up as I was looking up materials for this post and they are;

  1. Stop trying to be perfect because nobody is!!!
  2. Stop comparing yourself to others. Babe so you no know say you dey unique ekwa? Na wa to you oo!!!
  3. Be who you really are. Nbok trying to be another person is hard work o.
  4. Try to look past ‘material’ objects and feelings. In this reception(recession) cut your coat according to your wrapper. Figure out what you really want. If looking for that position, power, religion, or motive is time wasting, energy sapping, financial consuming please do jump and pass and move on to something less stressful biko.
  5. Take things one day at a time.
  6. Learn to let go of past events.
  7. Forgive yourself a lot ooooo.
  8. Define yourself by your effort not your accomplishment (hmmmm!!!)
  9. Sit in front of the mirror productively( sounds oyiboish) You have to learn howto do this according to experts. Validate yourself when you sit in front of the mirror. Encourage yourself always.
  10. Nurture yourself. Here I need to expartiate a little. Self care is very important. Set up time to be by yourself . You can nurture yourself physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually.
  11. Treat yourself like you will treat your best friend.
  12. express yourself. Find out what hobbies you enjoy and use it to express yourself.
  13. Practice saying ‘no’. My sista it is very ok to say no to people when you do not feel like doing something. Do not feel guilty about it. Just realize that you have the right to do so.

However I must warn that as you are loving yourself and doing all that I have suggested that you:

  1. Your problems give you opportunities to develop skills, abilities and your character.
  2. Loving your self does not mean grabbing all of the attention and becoming selfish.
  3. Trust who you are and decide the answers for you. Do not alter yourself because of the things people say.
  4. Trust your own judgement. Everything suggested, while it may work for the person who added it, might not work for you. Learn to trust yourself as that is a big part of self love.
  5. Loving oneself is not the same as narcissism, which is negative and a huge turn-off to others as it involves placing oneself above others.
  6. Misery loves company, so do not hang around unhappy, frowning and grouchy people.

Then what god will be able to rescue you from my hand?

This question was taken from Daniel chapter 3 verse 15d. The past couple of days for me has really been hellish. Sleep for me now is a very expensive commodity. In short the Lord has been dealing with me in certain areas of my life that I have held on to. He God allowed people once gain to deal with me. This dealing of course included betrayal of trust. It included people who asked me indirectly or even directly the question that King Nebuchadnezzar asked the trio of Shedrach, Meshach and Abednegoin the above named chapter.

You see in Daniel Chapter 3, King Nebuchadnezzar whom I will call ‘King Nebu’ here made a gigantic image of gold that was of an epic proportion and placed it in the province of Babylon and issued a decree that as soon as everyone which included government officials heard the sound of flute, horn, lyre, harp and other musical equipment that everyone was to fall down and worship King Nebu’s gold image and that punishment for not doing so was to be thrown into a blazing furnace.

Some amebo people in the employ of King Nebu just like Shedrach, Meshach and Abednego were went and told King Nebu that these guys were not following orders. King Nebu in anger sent these young  men to the blazing furnace which he gave instructions that it should be heated seven times hotter than the usual. I want to tell us that King Nebu asked these young men to bow to his image after the sound of the musical instrument and that if they refused, ‘He king Nebu will see the god that will be able to rescue them from his hands’

My sisters how many times have we played god to our fellow human beings? Because we see or perceive that we have an edge or power over someone we want to lord it over that person. We even get to the point of micro managing the person. It is worst when you have this feeling that what ever you have the edge over the other person is very important to that person, so you tighten the noose. Like I said, the Lord allowed people to deal decisively with me the past few days because i realized that I played a tin god over someone that really needed my help. I denied that help because I felt I was more superior like King Nebu and in my mind I said, ‘let me see who will help you with this…..’. Aaah! God who loved me so much sent someone else to do it to me big time and this person or even persons were people I trusted to finish. My sleep went! My peace went!! My joy went!!!

I complained to God, whined, sulked just name it until because this my God is a merciful God who said that He will have mercy unto whom He will have mercy told me where my problem came from. I will make amends because I was told that if I did not He God will allow things like that to continue. Now my sistas who is that person that borrowed money from you to do a business and because she borrowed money from you her joy and peace went with that? If you people are together in a gathering you will talk down on her and generally make people to understand that you did something important in her life. Who is that sista you introduced to a business because she confided in you about the challenges she was going through. You did the introduction but you started micro managing her, seeing her as if she wanted to take your shine because she seemed to have  grasped the business faster than you thought so you antagonize her and do all sorts of things to her because it was you that showed her the way. Are you that sista that will lend money and charge exorbitant interest to your fellow sista because you think that there is nothing that she can do. You can also see these in churches and fellowships. The woman who is in charge feels that she can take away positions and give or nominate this sista to this or that committee because of the small position she is occupying. She can hire and fire and she will be hiding behind spirituality as she is bringing one down and taking one up. Depending on how she feels per time that determines how she behaves to her fellow sistas. At the back of her mind she is saying let me see who will help you get out of this. Queen Nebu!!!!

There is this particular chorus that has been going round and round in my head lately it goes thus;

You are the Lord that is your name, you will never share glory with any man, you will never share your glory with anybody, Almighty God that is your name!

God is God and He will never allow what He created to start acting like Him. My sista did you know that for this particular time God gave you a certain wisdom to help your fellow women? Did you consider that that information you gave to a fellow sista was God instructed? Did you……? Did you……? I am also asking myself the same questions. My sistas times are hard in Nigeria and trust me people are going through so much. Lets try to be kinder people for goodness sake and you see this behavior is worst amongst those people who claim to be believers. A 35 year old doctor committed suicide recently in Lagos, south west Nigeria. There were so many reasons that surfaced after his death of which one was that he  was a sickler and hence suffered from occasional seizures. No one knew how he had been taunted in the past. How he had been deprived from doing so many things because of his peculiar challenges. I read that an exam he had been preparing for a long time was denied him because they felt he could not handle the attendant stress associated with the specialization. Like I said so many reasons came out after the poor man had died.

One thing I came out with these past days was that I am loved to have been chastised by my heavenly Father. It could have been worst. I see myself indeed priviledged to have recieved an answer to why all those things were happening at the same time. What if I didn’t have a relationship with my God how would I know? Sistas alot of closed windows and doors we might be experiencing now might just be because of our past behavior to our fellow human being. Repent of your ways and it will be well with you and I.

I have been off the blogging radar for a while. It will really be nice if you can drop a comment or two. You can reach me using these twitter handles @ursistalways and @alwaysister. Or you can reach me on facebook with the name Chikadibia Kate Obiechina. My instragram handles also are @ursistalways and @alwaysissy. Godbless

Shalom!

 

 

Having A Thankful Habit

The Merriam -Webster dictionary defined being thankful as one being conscious of benefits recieved. It also means one being happy for what one is about to recieve. It also defined it as being glad that something has happened or not happened49292-Being-Thankfulor that something or someone exist. You see I belong to a ministry called SISTERS’ FELLOWSHIP iNTERNATIONAL. This write up is not about the ministry noooo! But I can’t write on being thankful without mentioning SISTERS. This is an all women fellowship. The ministry taught me how to appreciate God and my fellow man. You see because the ministry is foundationed on love and appreciation we have different times within the year set aside for thanksgiving, these are January, June and December. We have been taught how to be appreciative even in bad times.There’s need for our lives to be one of thanksgiving, When I went online to research for this topic I was led  to a site  that showed me about seventy six quotations in the bible all talking about thanksgiving. Lets look at some of them.

  • 1 Thessalonian 5v18

Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

  • Psalm 107 v1

Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures for ever.

  • Ephesians 5 v 20

Giving thanks always and for everything to God the father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ

  • Colossians 3 v 15 -17

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which i deed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and ministering one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

  • Psalm 105 v1 – 2

Oh give thanks to the Lord! Call upon His name. Make known His deeds among the peoples! Sing to Him, sing psalms to Him. Talk of all His wondrous works!

  • Psalm 106 v 1

Praise the Lord! Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever

  • Psalm 95 v 2 – 3

Oh come let us sing to the Lord! Let us shout joyfully to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving.Let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms.

All these just show that we are constantly suppossed to live in an atmosphere of thanksgiving. Ungratefulness is one of the world’s worst sins. We enjoy the blessings of life, home, friends, health and freedom of so many things and we take all those things for granted. Saying thank you Lord is usually an after thought. This lack of daily,weekly, monthly and yearly lack of apreciation grieves our heavenly father.

Reasons abound why we should  be women who are thankful and they are;

  1. LIFE: We are always one heart beat away from death. The fact that we are alive in these volatile days is reason enough to be thankful. I live in Abuja and trust me this is no mean fete!
  2. THE BIBLE: Whether the world is black or white the word of God stands sure. Whatever the situation, the word in the bible is a refuge for the mind and heart. Imagine what the world would have been without the bible. We should be thankful to God for His blessed word  that, “liveth and abideth for ever” (1Peter 1 v23 -25)
  3. SALVATION: My sistas see no matter what a failure we have made of our lives, we can turn in faith to Christ and find salvation. Salvation is free and it is for everyone on earth. It does not depend on how rich or poor you are. So my sisters let us be thankful that the “grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men” (Titus 2 v 11 -13)
  4. BLESSING: My sisters do you know that the poorest among us enjoy some good things – health, friends, some food, some clothes, sunshine, children etc. We need to daily emphasize these blessings more. You see with God’s blessings we are rich even when we are poor financially that’s why Proverbs 10 v 22 says that the blessings of the Lord maketh rich.
  5. TRAILS: It is hard to be thankful during trials but by faith we may know God loves us and then we can rejoice during tribulation. Paul said and not so but we glory in tribulations also. Knowing that tribulation worketh patience and patience, experience and experience, hope and hope maketh not ashamed because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. (Romans 5 v 3 – 5)
  6. FREEDOM: For having a land of liberty, we should thank God every day. Do you know the kind of violence that is being experienced in other countries? Everytime i watch the likes of countries such as Syrian, Iraq etc on CNN, ALJAZEERAH etc, I do not have any other option except to thank this great God for His mercies.
  7. THE BLESSED HOPE: Soon all these darkness, evil, bloodshed will be over, Why? Because we have hope that Christ is coming again. Philipians 4 v 4 – 6 says, “Rejoice in the Lord always and again again I say rejoice. Let your moderation be known unto allmen. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing but in everything in prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be know to God.

Teaching Our Kids Responsibilities

Parenting is hard work! There are so many aspects to it, everything from discipline to helping our children make good food choices to winning their hearts! We also want to make sure we are teaching our children responsibility. We are living in a culture where more and more grown children are living at home and can’t seem to be able to move on with their own lives. God has given us the task of parenting and although we will always be our children’s parents we also want to equip our children for real life living! They are meant to go out and make lives of their own and we want them to be ready for that!

Chores can really help us in this area. I hear many moms say, “it is just easier to do it myself” or “it is not worth the complaining I will have to hear”, trust me- I HEAR you!! It is often not easy but we do our children no favors if we continue down this path because in the long run it will hurt them!

Our children can learn basic clean up rules at a very young age. I recently had a friend’s one year old son over and he was helping me pick up things, pulling his little legs to do small small chores for, I was very impressed!. Actually they usually love doing it at this age so it is the perfect time to start. Setting that precedent early helps you a great deal when they are older.

I read a lot of things about  families doing things to connect on a deeper level. Working and doing chores as a family is a wonderful way to do this! As a mother or even as a parent you may hear complaints at first but if you make chores part of the family activities irrespective of the complaints you will all work as a family. And once the chores are consistent they will adjust and great conversations can happen when you are say cooking in the kitchen together or cleaning out the kitchen! Reward yourselves after the big jobs and go out for a treat. You are teaching your children the value of hard work and they will feel pride in a job well done!

Here are some lists to get you started:

Younger children can:

Put Toys Away

Feed and water the house pets

Wipe Down Table Tops

Dust (get a duster that they will love)

Water Plants

Set the Table

Throw Trash Away

Sort Laundry (great lesson on learning colors)

As they get older they can do:

Meal Preparation – They can wash off veggies and fruit/ help you stir (If you are there of course), and get ingredients together.

Make their beds

Sweep Floors

Vacuum Floors

Collect Garbage

Rake Leaves

Pick up their Rooms

Help with Care of Baby (like making bottles and getting diapers)

Help Clean up the Yard

By the time our children become teens we want them to be able to:

Do their laundry

Cook some meals

Mow the lawn

Do basic car maintenance (like checking the oil and tires)

This is helping them be ready to go away to college, go for youth service or for when they get their first apartment or home! They will be grateful they know these tasks and often you will find more mature young people who save money and get good jobs at a younger age because of their knowledge in this area!

Remember when you are teaching your children, it won’t be perfect.

But you know what?

It absolutely important that we taught our children about their future and prepare them for life than to have the perfect made bed or swept kitchen! We are raising soon to be adults and we need  to prepare them!

Shalom