Archives

Then what god will be able to rescue you from my hand?

This question was taken from Daniel chapter 3 verse 15d. The past couple of days for me has really been hellish. Sleep for me now is a very expensive commodity. In short the Lord has been dealing with me in certain areas of my life that I have held on to. He God allowed people once gain to deal with me. This dealing of course included betrayal of trust. It included people who asked me indirectly or even directly the question that King Nebuchadnezzar asked the trio of Shedrach, Meshach and Abednegoin the above named chapter.

You see in Daniel Chapter 3, King Nebuchadnezzar whom I will call ‘King Nebu’ here made a gigantic image of gold that was of an epic proportion and placed it in the province of Babylon and issued a decree that as soon as everyone which included government officials heard the sound of flute, horn, lyre, harp and other musical equipment that everyone was to fall down and worship King Nebu’s gold image and that punishment for not doing so was to be thrown into a blazing furnace.

Some amebo people in the employ of King Nebu just like Shedrach, Meshach and Abednego were went and told King Nebu that these guys were not following orders. King Nebu in anger sent these young  men to the blazing furnace which he gave instructions that it should be heated seven times hotter than the usual. I want to tell us that King Nebu asked these young men to bow to his image after the sound of the musical instrument and that if they refused, ‘He king Nebu will see the god that will be able to rescue them from his hands’

My sisters how many times have we played god to our fellow human beings? Because we see or perceive that we have an edge or power over someone we want to lord it over that person. We even get to the point of micro managing the person. It is worst when you have this feeling that what ever you have the edge over the other person is very important to that person, so you tighten the noose. Like I said, the Lord allowed people to deal decisively with me the past few days because i realized that I played a tin god over someone that really needed my help. I denied that help because I felt I was more superior like King Nebu and in my mind I said, ‘let me see who will help you with this…..’. Aaah! God who loved me so much sent someone else to do it to me big time and this person or even persons were people I trusted to finish. My sleep went! My peace went!! My joy went!!!

I complained to God, whined, sulked just name it until because this my God is a merciful God who said that He will have mercy unto whom He will have mercy told me where my problem came from. I will make amends because I was told that if I did not He God will allow things like that to continue. Now my sistas who is that person that borrowed money from you to do a business and because she borrowed money from you her joy and peace went with that? If you people are together in a gathering you will talk down on her and generally make people to understand that you did something important in her life. Who is that sista you introduced to a business because she confided in you about the challenges she was going through. You did the introduction but you started micro managing her, seeing her as if she wanted to take your shine because she seemed to have  grasped the business faster than you thought so you antagonize her and do all sorts of things to her because it was you that showed her the way. Are you that sista that will lend money and charge exorbitant interest to your fellow sista because you think that there is nothing that she can do. You can also see these in churches and fellowships. The woman who is in charge feels that she can take away positions and give or nominate this sista to this or that committee because of the small position she is occupying. She can hire and fire and she will be hiding behind spirituality as she is bringing one down and taking one up. Depending on how she feels per time that determines how she behaves to her fellow sistas. At the back of her mind she is saying let me see who will help you get out of this. Queen Nebu!!!!

There is this particular chorus that has been going round and round in my head lately it goes thus;

You are the Lord that is your name, you will never share glory with any man, you will never share your glory with anybody, Almighty God that is your name!

God is God and He will never allow what He created to start acting like Him. My sista did you know that for this particular time God gave you a certain wisdom to help your fellow women? Did you consider that that information you gave to a fellow sista was God instructed? Did you……? Did you……? I am also asking myself the same questions. My sistas times are hard in Nigeria and trust me people are going through so much. Lets try to be kinder people for goodness sake and you see this behavior is worst amongst those people who claim to be believers. A 35 year old doctor committed suicide recently in Lagos, south west Nigeria. There were so many reasons that surfaced after his death of which one was that he  was a sickler and hence suffered from occasional seizures. No one knew how he had been taunted in the past. How he had been deprived from doing so many things because of his peculiar challenges. I read that an exam he had been preparing for a long time was denied him because they felt he could not handle the attendant stress associated with the specialization. Like I said so many reasons came out after the poor man had died.

One thing I came out with these past days was that I am loved to have been chastised by my heavenly Father. It could have been worst. I see myself indeed priviledged to have recieved an answer to why all those things were happening at the same time. What if I didn’t have a relationship with my God how would I know? Sistas alot of closed windows and doors we might be experiencing now might just be because of our past behavior to our fellow human being. Repent of your ways and it will be well with you and I.

I have been off the blogging radar for a while. It will really be nice if you can drop a comment or two. You can reach me using these twitter handles @ursistalways and @alwaysister. Or you can reach me on facebook with the name Chikadibia Kate Obiechina. My instragram handles also are @ursistalways and @alwaysissy. Godbless

Shalom!

 

 

Advertisements

Allowing God To Work With The Pauses Of Our Lives

Lately I started feeling that God was not sensitive to all the delays (pauses) in my life. Haba! Is He not aware? So much is happening, so much has happened and I am wondering if His heavenly radar is off me. There are things I have been praying for and have prayed for yet no sign! I have been mistreated, I have kept my cool when trampled on. I have tried to be patient with so much ill treatment all in a bid to remain …….. You what? Something changed when I had to read the book of Esther because of a plan I started on YouVersion. Esther showed me that all those pauses I felt were unnecessary delays from God were for a reason . Now let’s see if you will get my drift.

I can almost imagine the scene, a beautifully decorated table adorned with all the king’s favorites from first course to last course…every detail of this important night was purposely planned and executed. Esther was a queen who knew her king, and her king liked banquets….he liked them a lot actually.

So what better way to speak to her king on her people’s behalf than to first invite him and his buddy to a special meal! Come on girls, we all know one of the best ways to our men’s hearts is through their stomachs! Esther was no fool.

But something happened that night at the banquet, somewhere between appetizers and dessert, Esther sensed God guiding her to wait in sharing her request with the king. Imagine how hard that must have been! The pressure of thousands of men, women and children’s lives were at stake. Her words had to be perfect, the meal flawless. Everything needed to go exactly as planned…and then it didn’t. Personally in situations like this, I’d just as rather get it over with than extend the agony of waiting one more day and planning one more dinner party. But not Esther, she was a woman who was willing to wait on the Lord, even if it didn’t make sense to her at the time. Her trust was firmly planted in God, in His will, and in His timing. She was willing to wait if that was what her Lord was guiding her to do.

And so she waited.

“If the king regards me with favor and if it pleases the king to grant my petition and fulfill my request, let the king and Haman come tomorrow to the banquet I will prepare for them. Then I will answer the king’s question.” Esther 5:8

Esther was a queen who knew the power of when to speak and when to remain quiet.

“A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in setting of silver.” Proverbs 25:11

The right words said at the right time, in the right setting, that’s what Esther was aiming for. Sometimes we know what needs to be said, but the timing is off. Esther felt God press the delay button and so she postponed her request.

“God put it into Esther’s heart to delay her petition a day longer; she knew not, but God did, what was to happen in that very night.”- Matthew Henry

God was busy working in Esther’s period of waiting.

He does the same for us.

Sweet friend, don’t be discouraged if you are in a season of waiting. Don’t loose heart if you feel like God has had you press the “pause” button. Maybe it’s the desire to get married, but the right guy hasn’t come into your life yet. Or maybe it’s the desire to start a family, yet God hasn’t blessed you with a child. Maybe, just maybe, it’s in the silence, the unanswered prayers, the delay…the pause of life that God is working behind the scenes, writing an amazing turn of events story that is yet to be revealed.

Sometimes I think God does some of His best work in the “pauses” of our lives.

Don’t lose heart, sweet sister, if you are in a “pause”…you never know what God’s tomorrow will bring.

A sleepless night was on the horizon and an amazing turn of events was in the works.

I believe that you can understand why I have realigned myself to know that He my great God will work out His great purpose for my life in due time. With or without the pauses of my life. In due time He will come through.

Shalom

Personality Traits We Should Loose To Be Better Persons.

Personality traits are distinguishing qualities or characteristics that are the embodiment of an individual. They are your habitual patterns of behavior, temperament and emotion. However in psychology there are five broad dimensions of personality that are used to describe human personality. Every personality trait fall under these five dimensions and they are;

1. Openness to experience: (inventive, curious, consistent, cautious). Appreciation for art, emotion, adventure, unusual ideas. It is also described as the extent to which a person is imaginative or independent, and depicts a personal preference for a variety of activities.

2. Conscientiousness: (efficient, organized, easy-going, careless). A tendency to be organized and dependable, show self-discipline, act dutifully, aim for achievement, and prefer planned rather than spontaneous behavior.

3. Extraversion: (outgoing, energetic, solitary, reserved). Energy, positive emotions, surgency, assertiveness, sociability and the tendency to seek stimulation in the company of others, and talkativeness.

4. Agreeableness: (friendly, compassionate, analytical, detached). A tendency to be compassionate and cooperative rather than suspicious and antagonistic towards others. It is also a measure of one’s trusting and helpful nature, and whether a person is generally well tempered or not.

5. Neuroticism: (sensitive, nervous, secure, confident). The tendency to experience unpleasant emotions easily, such as anger, anxiety, depression, and moodiness.

If unattractive personality traits have started to define you, it’s probably time to leave them in the past and move on to being a better person. You won’t change who you are and how you act overnight; it’s a process. As you shed these unattractive personality traits over time, you’ll find yourself surrounded with good friends and a more well-rounded work environment, not to mention a better relationship with your significant other if you are in a relationship about to be married or married.

1. SELF-DESTRUCTIVE

Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, the late, Amy Winehouse were all examples of a self destruction. Self-destruction is the epitome of unattractive personality traits and the one that really requires professional help to overcome. If people in your life are asking you to seek help, I hope you’ll consider it.

2. GOSSIP

If you’re talking about friends behind their backs, what kind of friend are you? If you’re repeating things you’ve heard that might or might not be true, you could be forever damaging someone’s reputation. Think twice before saying anything about others, and you’ll find more people will trust you with confidences.

3. UNRELIABLE

One way you can show you are unreliable is not showing up when you have planned to go somewhere with friend/s. This can happen to anyone because of circumstances beyond their control, but when it’s done repeatedly, it’s just a blatant form of disrespect. If you’re going to be late, pick up the phone and call the person waiting for you, and have a good reason to go along with your apology.

4. PESSIMISTIC

One of the nicest things you can do for someone is to be optimistic and show enthusiasm for their plans. Friends or family members that are considering starting a new business, a new relationship or any of a hundred things, would love to hear encouragement instead of all the reasons their plans won’t.

5. MOODY

I love consistency. I love consistency in people. I want to know that the person I’m going to hang out with will be the same agreeable person I have always spent time with last week.

6. BOSSY

If you’re in a leadership position, it could be very tempting to be bossy. Don’t give in to it. Delegating projects to your team should be done in a way that will make them eager to do a great job. Barking orders has the opposite effect. In a friendship or romance, being bossy can be the kiss of death.

7. TOXIC

When you care about someone, the things they say to you not only hurt or encourage you but you tend to believe them. If you have someone or people around you who constantly bring you down by their attitude or what they say to you please let them go. It is only by disassociating yourself from those persons that You will regain your optimism and sense of fun.

8. CONTROLLING

If you’re a controlling person, chances are you won’t recognize the signs in yourself. Hopefully, people in your life will tell you and try to help you. You can just ask yourself simple questions and give honest answers to find out if this is behavior you’re guilty of displaying. When you have the need to regulate someone else’s life, to constantly inform them that your way is the only way, you’re controlling. You should know that sooner or later, the person you are controlling would rid themselves of you and your desire to dominate them.

Are you friends with someone that displays negative personality traits? Have you attempted to discuss it with them? It’s easy to pretend it doesn’t exist for the sake of harmony, but you know that harmony is short-lived when you’re dealing with a person that has personality issues. Life is too short, let’s be careful.

Shalom!

How To Stop Being Envious of Another

Envy is when you as a Sista bears a grudge towards someone due to converting what that person has or enjoy. In a milder sense, it means the longing for something someone else has without any ill will intended towards that person. Envy is a feeling that we all know and feel from time to time, but sometimes we really struggle with it. If that is the situation that you have found yourself in, you can use these ways to stop being envious so that you can push your aspirations, goals etc to its permanent site this year.

1. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

One of the best ways to stop being envious is to count your blessings. Focus on what you have, not what others have. I have often heard it said that comparison is the thief of joy and that is very true. Don’t compare what you have to what others have. Simply focus on all of the wonderful things that you have in your life.
2. FIND HAPPINESS FOR THEM WITHIN YOURSELF

It is hard to be envious of those that you are happy for. Use this as an opportunity to work on your inner self. Make a decision to be happy for the person you are envying. Choose to refuse those feelings of envy. When you feel them start to creep up, decide to replace them with other, better feelings. You can tell your feelings how to behave.
3. REMIND YOURSELF THEY MAY HAVE WORKED HARD FOR WHAT THEY HAVE

You know, many times we don’t see what a person has gone through to get where they are. Instead, we only see and focus on the end result. This could be true in many different situations. It could be when we are envying a person for financial stability, weight loss or any number of other things. Remember that there is sometimes more than meets the eye and the person you are envying may very well have worked very hard to get where they are.
4. ACCEPT THAT LIFE ISN’T FAIR

You know, this is just a hard fact of life. Life really isn’t fair. Some people are much more fortunate than others. But what can help is to realize this and accept it. Rather than trying to fight against something that we cannot change, we can just accept it.
5. REMEMBER YOUR TIME WILL COME

Good fortune sometimes comes in waves. Very few of us have good fortune all of our lives in a constant manner. Maybe the person that you are envying is just enjoying a bit of good fortune while yours is not so good. It is good to remember that your time may come. Most of the time, the tide will eventually turn.
6. THINK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE

If envy is eating at you, make yourself think about something else. Maybe you don’t have it within yourself to be happy for them or to count your blessings. That happens sometimes. But you can choose to think about something else. It could be your job, your flower garden or any number of other things. The point is that you shift your thoughts.
7. REFUSE TO LET IT CONSUME YOU

Envy will eat you up if you are not careful. It is a terrible feeling and it can destroy you. Only you can make the choice not to allow that to happen. You certainly don’t want to give someone the pleasure of allowing their good fortune to devour you. Make yourself move on. You can do that.

Shalom Sista!

Ways To Teach Values To Your Kids

Recently in my house something happened that made me to put up this post today. During the Christmas holiday I sent my just turned 13 year old son to get me some recharge cards to credit my phones. I told him to get me some denominations ranging from 400 Naira Mtn to 500 Naira Etisalat and I think 500 Naira Airtel.  I gave him the sum of 1. 500 Naira and he was supposed to come back with 100 Naira change abi? When he came back he told me that when the recharge card vendor gave him the change he gave him more than the 100 Naira.  My son told me that he turned back and told the vendor what happened and that the card vendor was very impressed that such a young fellow could do so in this contemporary times.  The reason I say this is that in this era values have become obsolete. We live in a consumer – driven society that broadcasts values that don’t reflect what we believe in.

Values are important and lasting principles, standards, code of behavior, moral codes, rules, code of conduct, ethics, beliefs shared by the members of a culture about what is good or bad and desirable or undesirable. Children are supposed to internalize values that their parents passed on to them. Passing  on this time tested values  is  important as they will help them to grow up as well rounded individuals ready to make generational impact.

These are some ideas that will help us as parents to impact these values on our children.

  • TELL THEM YOUR LIFE STORIES : Teach your children through your stories. Kids love to hear stories about your childhood. Weave in some moral dilemmas and you have got great opportunities to teach values to them. It certainly beats lecturing your kids. I have used this method a lot to tell my children about events that took place and eventually shaped my life. There were some stories I told my kids that happened when I was there ages and they were shocked that their mother did so so and so thing. Believe me we had fun.
  • LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE ACCORDING TO YOUR VALUES – WALK THE TALK. Kids learn by imitating especially at a young age. They are very very adept at seeing if what you say and what you do are matching up. Don’t give them confusing signals, follow your own values every moment. Don’t say they should not do certain things and then you turn around someday to do the same thing, you are setting double standards!
  • EXPOSE THEM TO YOUR RELIGION OR FAITH: It seems especially important today to let them know that they ‘re not alone. Providing your kids with a community of faith will strengthen their values and provide some “leverage” for them. I have a 9 year old daughter at home presently, she is in primary school. She loves going with me to fellowship. By the way I attend Sisters’ Fellowship International. I am  a Vice President in one of the chapters in Abuja. My chapter meet every thursdays and so my lil angel will do her homework in school before I come to pick her. The reason she does that is so I don’t tell her that she needs to stay at home to do her homework  while I go to fellowship. My lil girl loves to help out whenever we go to fellowship. She loves to carry  offering basket to collect offering and any other  thing she feels she can do just to make the fellowship run smoothly.  She knows everything and anything about SFI. Women tell me that I am bringing her up well, that they love the fact that she is very much in tune with what is happening in God’s kingdom. I can only say to God be the glory!
  • PAY ATTENTION TO WHO ELSE MIGHT BE TEACHING VALUES TO YOUR KIDS: Get to know your child’s teachers, friends, coaches, relatives, etc. Anyone who spends time with your kids may be influencing them. Know their values and beliefs as well. You see we parents because we are busy we do not pay attention to the adults and children around our kids who in one way or the other are forming their lives. Do we create time to talk to them? Do we know their friends? Do we know what their teachers are like? The questions are endless. Recently, a newspaper carried a story of  a 13 year old boy who repeatedly raped an 8 year old girl in his school and forbade her from telling anyone. It was during investigations by the police that the parents of the boy found out that the gate man of the house where the boy lives takes the boy to watch porn movies in the nearby makeshift cinema house! Police got involved because the 8 year old girl eventually died due to some complications as a result of the rape.
  • ASK YOUR KIDS QUESTIONS THAT WILL STIMULATE DIALOGUE ABOUT VALUES: Telling them what values they should have won’t always be effective, especially when your kids get older.  Asking them “curious” questions will allow discussions that will eventually lead to values. I remembered a particular incident that happened one day I was taking my kids to school. A man cut us off from  the lane we were on because he felt every other person slowing and steadily moving were stupid. The man almost hit us in the process, some other people in the traffic abused and shouted at the man for doing that but not me. I asked my kids what they thought of the man’s actions and they told me that the did not behave well and they in turn asked me why I was not pouring insults at the man and I asked them if they would have loved Mummy to be ranting and raving at the man as if I was mad and they said NO OOO! I used that incident to teach them  that even if you are in the right and someone tramples on that right, that there are better and more dignified ways of reacting to issues.
  • TALK TO THEM ABOUT VALUES IN A RELAXED AND EASY WAY: Nothing will turn your kids off more than preaching values to them after they have screwed up! Talk to them when everyone is relaxed, and do it in a light, conversational manner. They will be much more likely to be listening rather than tuning you out.
  • INVOLVE YOUR KIDS IN ART, ACTIVITIES OR HELPING OTHERS WHILE LIMITING TELEVISION AND VIDEO GAMES: Parents of these contemporary times have lost it somewhere. We are bringing up a generation of television addicts. The values our children have are distorted values they see on television. Parents in order to justify their busyness (if there is ever a word like that) salve their consciences by providing all manner of electronic gadgets for their children. They provide all forms of entertainment to occupy their children. Let us learn to engage our children in constructive activities that will make them learn  values . Allow them to experience helping others and involve them in activities that will expand  their creativity.
  • HAVE FREQUENT CONVERSATION ABOUT VALUES IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD: This lets your kids know  that it’s important and it’s not just something you talk about when they do something wrong.
  • HAVE HIGH EXPECTATIONS FOR YOUR KID’S VALUE SYSTEMS. Kids will tend to rise to the level of expectation you have for them. Their value system will often reflects yours if the expectations are high.
  • TELL THEM FOLKTALES WHEN THEY ARE YOUNGER. I am sure we can all remember the stories we were told about the antics of Mr. Tortoise, Mr. Hare, Mr. Lion. As children we learnt a lot of things that formed the values we have as adults now. I remember one certain Christmas holiday we spent in my husband’s village. Anambra State Broadcasting Service (ASBS) Television aired a children’s programme during their family belt. The programme was aired in Igbo language and it was a folktale programme. My kids got glued to the programme because it was fun to see and hear those stories I occasionally tell them being told in Igbo language ( though I translated a bit for them).

This post is not about me but about giving our kids what will help them to overcome this very challenging and complex world ours. I used myself as an example so that we parents will see that our children growing up and showing positive difference in their behavior depends a great lot on what we pass on to them. Please understand that I am not the best  parent, each day I make my mistake concerning parenting my kids so does my husband. When we err, we retrace our footsteps and forge on. I believe a lot of parents out there are like us. So much is happening in and around us, should we keep compounding issues by not preparing the future generation on the best practices in everything? This is a wake up call.  Shallom!