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Divine Appiontments

divine appointment

Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day will bring forth (Prov. 27v1  NIV)

2017 is about to end. We started this year with so many lofty ideas. We prepared spiritually for 2017, we fasted, we spoke the word(appropriated the word sef) to ensure that we ran with the vision of this year. Some of us through the help of God actually realized our dreams , visions and missions in 2017 however as the year is winding up we should strategise on how our 2018 is going to be. One of the ways to do that is understanding the place of divine appointments.

No matter how we plan and prepare for the coming year, each day to the end of this year and even into the coming year brings its own unexpected encounters. No matter how predictable and mundane your life may feel, surprises always wait around the corner. These are called divine appointments. A divine appointment may be wonderful contact with a long -lost friend (primary, secondary or even university classmate), it could be a chance meeting in the elevator, it could be an unexpected emergency that takes you to a hospital waiting room. Chances abound or the way God will divinely order your steps. You have to be alert in the spirit and expectant!!!Sometimes, it may just be that that you reaches a long desired goal or that situations made it impossible that you had toput aside a cherished goal. You see my sista, there will always be many detours, good and bad situations  that will be scattered along your path

Sometimes again divine encounters can be dramatic and surprising. When an angel came to Mary she was afraid but she said yes to God. Jesus confronted Paul on the road to Damascus, and Paul’s entire life changed with that encounter. Philip met the Ethiopian eunuch on the road and ended up explaining the Scriptures to him and baptizing him. But not all divine appointments take place in unusual circumstances. God often brings people together in the course of their daily activities. Paul met Lydia when he went down to the river to where a regular prayer meeting was being held. Peter and John were on their way and healed a man crippled from birth. A casual encounter can have a life changing effects when God is at work through His people.

Keep in mind that though you may be unable to change a situation, you however still have control over how you will respond. When your plans are interrupted, my sista , take a deep breath (I do that a lot nowadays) and give yourself time to think before you react. Realize that each encounter is a divine appointment, each problem another opportunity for God to show you His faithfulness. When a difficult situation arises, will you choose to rest in Him? When a desired outcome is delayed, are you willing to listen for the lesson in the detour? Are you willing to receive the unexpected gifts a day brings and be open to divine appointments?

On a last note sistas,ec2dcedd68e9d90651502f4a659b237f

Everyday I learn that whatever comes my way is divinely orchestrated. So let end the year and start a new year gearing up to do exploit round about.

Encourage. Empower. Conquer

Shalom!!!

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How To Love Yourself

Loving who you areLoving yourself is an important part of enjoying and getting the most out of your life. It is crucial for getting and maintaining satisfying relationships with others. Babe loving yourself is mainly having self respect, which is the only dependable way to create love in your own life. To be able to be loved, you must love and respect yourself. Do not allow anybody tell you how your life should be. I am at that point in my life where I  do not have patients for rubbish. I do not allow people to tolerate me, for what kwanu? If you think the sun shine from you and the moon sets with you nne I will shift kiakia from you. Who has time for drama? See sistas create your own activity!!!

Mandy Hale said and I quote,’ If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be chasing people who don’t love you either’. Trust me sis you don wanna find yourself in this situation cos you will be messed royally. You see all these people you are chasing to validate yourself? They have little little demons that they are fighting with, in my own language I will say they have their own “skoyi skoyi”

There is a story trending this week on instagram. American plus sized yoga instructor, Jessamyn Stanley is a woman confident about herself and about her body. She never shies away from sharing photos of herself practising her act via any social media platform. She said recently in one of her interviews that the world we live in makes it difficult to be confident in yourself( tell me about it). She said that social media is good but just like every other media determines what is accepted, believed, emulated, liked, loved, glamorous etc(Gbamsolutely!!!). As a plus sized woman, she said that her confidence and self love is always evolving. She said that self hate doesn’t go away that it takes work!(Babe talk on oo!)

Jessamyn said that she makes it a point of duty to constantly go back to her drawing table to wipe away yesterday actions and try to release both the good and bad emotions. She advised that one should try to be compassionate towards herself, try to show yourself love instead of hate. Decide that against all odd that you must survive.

I am going to put down a checklist of sort to help us. Some I have been practicing, some I read up as I was looking up materials for this post and they are;

  1. Stop trying to be perfect because nobody is!!!
  2. Stop comparing yourself to others. Babe so you no know say you dey unique ekwa? Na wa to you oo!!!
  3. Be who you really are. Nbok trying to be another person is hard work o.
  4. Try to look past ‘material’ objects and feelings. In this reception(recession) cut your coat according to your wrapper. Figure out what you really want. If looking for that position, power, religion, or motive is time wasting, energy sapping, financial consuming please do jump and pass and move on to something less stressful biko.
  5. Take things one day at a time.
  6. Learn to let go of past events.
  7. Forgive yourself a lot ooooo.
  8. Define yourself by your effort not your accomplishment (hmmmm!!!)
  9. Sit in front of the mirror productively( sounds oyiboish) You have to learn howto do this according to experts. Validate yourself when you sit in front of the mirror. Encourage yourself always.
  10. Nurture yourself. Here I need to expartiate a little. Self care is very important. Set up time to be by yourself . You can nurture yourself physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually.
  11. Treat yourself like you will treat your best friend.
  12. express yourself. Find out what hobbies you enjoy and use it to express yourself.
  13. Practice saying ‘no’. My sista it is very ok to say no to people when you do not feel like doing something. Do not feel guilty about it. Just realize that you have the right to do so.

However I must warn that as you are loving yourself and doing all that I have suggested that you:

  1. Your problems give you opportunities to develop skills, abilities and your character.
  2. Loving your self does not mean grabbing all of the attention and becoming selfish.
  3. Trust who you are and decide the answers for you. Do not alter yourself because of the things people say.
  4. Trust your own judgement. Everything suggested, while it may work for the person who added it, might not work for you. Learn to trust yourself as that is a big part of self love.
  5. Loving oneself is not the same as narcissism, which is negative and a huge turn-off to others as it involves placing oneself above others.
  6. Misery loves company, so do not hang around unhappy, frowning and grouchy people.

Then what god will be able to rescue you from my hand?

This question was taken from Daniel chapter 3 verse 15d. The past couple of days for me has really been hellish. Sleep for me now is a very expensive commodity. In short the Lord has been dealing with me in certain areas of my life that I have held on to. He God allowed people once gain to deal with me. This dealing of course included betrayal of trust. It included people who asked me indirectly or even directly the question that King Nebuchadnezzar asked the trio of Shedrach, Meshach and Abednegoin the above named chapter.

You see in Daniel Chapter 3, King Nebuchadnezzar whom I will call ‘King Nebu’ here made a gigantic image of gold that was of an epic proportion and placed it in the province of Babylon and issued a decree that as soon as everyone which included government officials heard the sound of flute, horn, lyre, harp and other musical equipment that everyone was to fall down and worship King Nebu’s gold image and that punishment for not doing so was to be thrown into a blazing furnace.

Some amebo people in the employ of King Nebu just like Shedrach, Meshach and Abednego were went and told King Nebu that these guys were not following orders. King Nebu in anger sent these young  men to the blazing furnace which he gave instructions that it should be heated seven times hotter than the usual. I want to tell us that King Nebu asked these young men to bow to his image after the sound of the musical instrument and that if they refused, ‘He king Nebu will see the god that will be able to rescue them from his hands’

My sisters how many times have we played god to our fellow human beings? Because we see or perceive that we have an edge or power over someone we want to lord it over that person. We even get to the point of micro managing the person. It is worst when you have this feeling that what ever you have the edge over the other person is very important to that person, so you tighten the noose. Like I said, the Lord allowed people to deal decisively with me the past few days because i realized that I played a tin god over someone that really needed my help. I denied that help because I felt I was more superior like King Nebu and in my mind I said, ‘let me see who will help you with this…..’. Aaah! God who loved me so much sent someone else to do it to me big time and this person or even persons were people I trusted to finish. My sleep went! My peace went!! My joy went!!!

I complained to God, whined, sulked just name it until because this my God is a merciful God who said that He will have mercy unto whom He will have mercy told me where my problem came from. I will make amends because I was told that if I did not He God will allow things like that to continue. Now my sistas who is that person that borrowed money from you to do a business and because she borrowed money from you her joy and peace went with that? If you people are together in a gathering you will talk down on her and generally make people to understand that you did something important in her life. Who is that sista you introduced to a business because she confided in you about the challenges she was going through. You did the introduction but you started micro managing her, seeing her as if she wanted to take your shine because she seemed to have  grasped the business faster than you thought so you antagonize her and do all sorts of things to her because it was you that showed her the way. Are you that sista that will lend money and charge exorbitant interest to your fellow sista because you think that there is nothing that she can do. You can also see these in churches and fellowships. The woman who is in charge feels that she can take away positions and give or nominate this sista to this or that committee because of the small position she is occupying. She can hire and fire and she will be hiding behind spirituality as she is bringing one down and taking one up. Depending on how she feels per time that determines how she behaves to her fellow sistas. At the back of her mind she is saying let me see who will help you get out of this. Queen Nebu!!!!

There is this particular chorus that has been going round and round in my head lately it goes thus;

You are the Lord that is your name, you will never share glory with any man, you will never share your glory with anybody, Almighty God that is your name!

God is God and He will never allow what He created to start acting like Him. My sista did you know that for this particular time God gave you a certain wisdom to help your fellow women? Did you consider that that information you gave to a fellow sista was God instructed? Did you……? Did you……? I am also asking myself the same questions. My sistas times are hard in Nigeria and trust me people are going through so much. Lets try to be kinder people for goodness sake and you see this behavior is worst amongst those people who claim to be believers. A 35 year old doctor committed suicide recently in Lagos, south west Nigeria. There were so many reasons that surfaced after his death of which one was that he  was a sickler and hence suffered from occasional seizures. No one knew how he had been taunted in the past. How he had been deprived from doing so many things because of his peculiar challenges. I read that an exam he had been preparing for a long time was denied him because they felt he could not handle the attendant stress associated with the specialization. Like I said so many reasons came out after the poor man had died.

One thing I came out with these past days was that I am loved to have been chastised by my heavenly Father. It could have been worst. I see myself indeed priviledged to have recieved an answer to why all those things were happening at the same time. What if I didn’t have a relationship with my God how would I know? Sistas alot of closed windows and doors we might be experiencing now might just be because of our past behavior to our fellow human being. Repent of your ways and it will be well with you and I.

I have been off the blogging radar for a while. It will really be nice if you can drop a comment or two. You can reach me using these twitter handles @ursistalways and @alwaysister. Or you can reach me on facebook with the name Chikadibia Kate Obiechina. My instragram handles also are @ursistalways and @alwaysissy. Godbless

Shalom!

 

 

Allowing God To Work With The Pauses Of Our Lives

Lately I started feeling that God was not sensitive to all the delays (pauses) in my life. Haba! Is He not aware? So much is happening, so much has happened and I am wondering if His heavenly radar is off me. There are things I have been praying for and have prayed for yet no sign! I have been mistreated, I have kept my cool when trampled on. I have tried to be patient with so much ill treatment all in a bid to remain …….. You what? Something changed when I had to read the book of Esther because of a plan I started on YouVersion. Esther showed me that all those pauses I felt were unnecessary delays from God were for a reason . Now let’s see if you will get my drift.

I can almost imagine the scene, a beautifully decorated table adorned with all the king’s favorites from first course to last course…every detail of this important night was purposely planned and executed. Esther was a queen who knew her king, and her king liked banquets….he liked them a lot actually.

So what better way to speak to her king on her people’s behalf than to first invite him and his buddy to a special meal! Come on girls, we all know one of the best ways to our men’s hearts is through their stomachs! Esther was no fool.

But something happened that night at the banquet, somewhere between appetizers and dessert, Esther sensed God guiding her to wait in sharing her request with the king. Imagine how hard that must have been! The pressure of thousands of men, women and children’s lives were at stake. Her words had to be perfect, the meal flawless. Everything needed to go exactly as planned…and then it didn’t. Personally in situations like this, I’d just as rather get it over with than extend the agony of waiting one more day and planning one more dinner party. But not Esther, she was a woman who was willing to wait on the Lord, even if it didn’t make sense to her at the time. Her trust was firmly planted in God, in His will, and in His timing. She was willing to wait if that was what her Lord was guiding her to do.

And so she waited.

“If the king regards me with favor and if it pleases the king to grant my petition and fulfill my request, let the king and Haman come tomorrow to the banquet I will prepare for them. Then I will answer the king’s question.” Esther 5:8

Esther was a queen who knew the power of when to speak and when to remain quiet.

“A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in setting of silver.” Proverbs 25:11

The right words said at the right time, in the right setting, that’s what Esther was aiming for. Sometimes we know what needs to be said, but the timing is off. Esther felt God press the delay button and so she postponed her request.

“God put it into Esther’s heart to delay her petition a day longer; she knew not, but God did, what was to happen in that very night.”- Matthew Henry

God was busy working in Esther’s period of waiting.

He does the same for us.

Sweet friend, don’t be discouraged if you are in a season of waiting. Don’t loose heart if you feel like God has had you press the “pause” button. Maybe it’s the desire to get married, but the right guy hasn’t come into your life yet. Or maybe it’s the desire to start a family, yet God hasn’t blessed you with a child. Maybe, just maybe, it’s in the silence, the unanswered prayers, the delay…the pause of life that God is working behind the scenes, writing an amazing turn of events story that is yet to be revealed.

Sometimes I think God does some of His best work in the “pauses” of our lives.

Don’t lose heart, sweet sister, if you are in a “pause”…you never know what God’s tomorrow will bring.

A sleepless night was on the horizon and an amazing turn of events was in the works.

I believe that you can understand why I have realigned myself to know that He my great God will work out His great purpose for my life in due time. With or without the pauses of my life. In due time He will come through.

Shalom

Evaluating Your Friendship

Evaluating a friendship is often times necessary in order to improve the quality of your relationships. Some friendships come easily and are maintained well without any effort! Other friendships can seem draining at times, and when that happens, it’s best to take a step back and really question how to go forward with the relationship. Here are some useful questions to ask yourself when evaluating a friendship that will be beneficial for all your current and future relationships!

1. DOES SHE INVEST AS MUCH TIME AS I DO?

One of the key questions to ask yourself when evaluating a friendship is the amount of time both of you invest in each other. Sometimes, one of you will invest more time than the other, causing an imbalance in the quality of the relationship. It’s not essential that you see your friends or speak to them on a daily basis, but putting in the time fairly often is important for growth! If you are always the one to make plans and to reach out first, it may be time to ask some questions.

2. IS IT EASY OR DIFFICULT TO CONNECT WHEN WE’RE TOGETHER?

Some people are just naturally easy to talk to and get along with, and are gifted with the ability to put people at ease. Meaningful relationships should have this quality, despite personality differences. There is a big issue with not being able to connect with friends and having awkwardness in the air because it generally means you’re trying too hard to impress. Be yourself, and take note if you feel at ease around the other person.

3. CAN I TRUST HER COMPLETELY?

Trust is the foundation of any relationship. You know when you have it and when you don’t. Does she keep your secrets to herself? Can you depend on her when you need her and trust she will follow through? If the answer is yes then keep her close! If not, then it’s time to let that friendship go and move on- trust is just too important!

4. DOES SHE LISTEN?

All of us desire to be listened to and understood at the core of who we are. It’s expected for friends to turn a listening ear when you’re speaking and sharing your life with them, without interrupting and being dismissive. We all need to work on being intentional listeners, but if you and your friend don’t listen to each other as you should, then things need to change!

5. IS OUR TIME TOGETHER DRAINING OR ENERGIZING?

I know when I am with a close friend and I leave feeling energized with the knowledge of time well-spent, it’s a strong relationship. If you constantly leave your friend feeling drained and emotionally exhausted, then it’s not worth your time investing in that friendship! Drama and ridiculous behaviors shouldn’t be the center of any friendship.

6. DO WE ENCOURAGE EACH OTHER?

Do you go out of your way to encourage your friends and vice versa? And I don’t just mean when times are hard. It’s so meaningful and life-giving to encourage your friends just because you want to lift their spirits! If you know of a friend who encourages you in this way, definitely keep her around!

7. IS SHE A VALUABLE PERSON IN MY LIFE?

Lastly, and possibly the most central question to ask when evaluating a friendship, is asking if she is valuable to you or not. Would you be devastated to lose her in your life? Each response, yes or no, will provide you the means for where to take your friendship in the future and whether or not it’s worth investing in.

Friends are one of life’s most precious gifts that should be valued and treasured! Evaluating the state of your relationships ensures a healthy group of people to always surround yourself with. If you are lucky to have a friend that has got your back be wise to nurture it and do not let go, trust me as you get older it is difficult to make friends at least the kind that will always be there for you.

Personality Traits We Should Loose To Be Better Persons.

Personality traits are distinguishing qualities or characteristics that are the embodiment of an individual. They are your habitual patterns of behavior, temperament and emotion. However in psychology there are five broad dimensions of personality that are used to describe human personality. Every personality trait fall under these five dimensions and they are;

1. Openness to experience: (inventive, curious, consistent, cautious). Appreciation for art, emotion, adventure, unusual ideas. It is also described as the extent to which a person is imaginative or independent, and depicts a personal preference for a variety of activities.

2. Conscientiousness: (efficient, organized, easy-going, careless). A tendency to be organized and dependable, show self-discipline, act dutifully, aim for achievement, and prefer planned rather than spontaneous behavior.

3. Extraversion: (outgoing, energetic, solitary, reserved). Energy, positive emotions, surgency, assertiveness, sociability and the tendency to seek stimulation in the company of others, and talkativeness.

4. Agreeableness: (friendly, compassionate, analytical, detached). A tendency to be compassionate and cooperative rather than suspicious and antagonistic towards others. It is also a measure of one’s trusting and helpful nature, and whether a person is generally well tempered or not.

5. Neuroticism: (sensitive, nervous, secure, confident). The tendency to experience unpleasant emotions easily, such as anger, anxiety, depression, and moodiness.

If unattractive personality traits have started to define you, it’s probably time to leave them in the past and move on to being a better person. You won’t change who you are and how you act overnight; it’s a process. As you shed these unattractive personality traits over time, you’ll find yourself surrounded with good friends and a more well-rounded work environment, not to mention a better relationship with your significant other if you are in a relationship about to be married or married.

1. SELF-DESTRUCTIVE

Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, the late, Amy Winehouse were all examples of a self destruction. Self-destruction is the epitome of unattractive personality traits and the one that really requires professional help to overcome. If people in your life are asking you to seek help, I hope you’ll consider it.

2. GOSSIP

If you’re talking about friends behind their backs, what kind of friend are you? If you’re repeating things you’ve heard that might or might not be true, you could be forever damaging someone’s reputation. Think twice before saying anything about others, and you’ll find more people will trust you with confidences.

3. UNRELIABLE

One way you can show you are unreliable is not showing up when you have planned to go somewhere with friend/s. This can happen to anyone because of circumstances beyond their control, but when it’s done repeatedly, it’s just a blatant form of disrespect. If you’re going to be late, pick up the phone and call the person waiting for you, and have a good reason to go along with your apology.

4. PESSIMISTIC

One of the nicest things you can do for someone is to be optimistic and show enthusiasm for their plans. Friends or family members that are considering starting a new business, a new relationship or any of a hundred things, would love to hear encouragement instead of all the reasons their plans won’t.

5. MOODY

I love consistency. I love consistency in people. I want to know that the person I’m going to hang out with will be the same agreeable person I have always spent time with last week.

6. BOSSY

If you’re in a leadership position, it could be very tempting to be bossy. Don’t give in to it. Delegating projects to your team should be done in a way that will make them eager to do a great job. Barking orders has the opposite effect. In a friendship or romance, being bossy can be the kiss of death.

7. TOXIC

When you care about someone, the things they say to you not only hurt or encourage you but you tend to believe them. If you have someone or people around you who constantly bring you down by their attitude or what they say to you please let them go. It is only by disassociating yourself from those persons that You will regain your optimism and sense of fun.

8. CONTROLLING

If you’re a controlling person, chances are you won’t recognize the signs in yourself. Hopefully, people in your life will tell you and try to help you. You can just ask yourself simple questions and give honest answers to find out if this is behavior you’re guilty of displaying. When you have the need to regulate someone else’s life, to constantly inform them that your way is the only way, you’re controlling. You should know that sooner or later, the person you are controlling would rid themselves of you and your desire to dominate them.

Are you friends with someone that displays negative personality traits? Have you attempted to discuss it with them? It’s easy to pretend it doesn’t exist for the sake of harmony, but you know that harmony is short-lived when you’re dealing with a person that has personality issues. Life is too short, let’s be careful.

Shalom!

Identifying toxic or negative friends. Don’t kid yourself!

When everything just doesn’t add up, it is time to discover the some interesting ways to identify a negative friendship. You have always been their best girl friend; you’ve helped them every time they’ve asked. But why do you keep receiving the short end of the stick? To establish whether it is time to walk away, let’s learn the some ways to identify a negative friendship. Chai! I think I am the greatest mugu in this world. Friends have dealt with me ooo. Sistas, if you know that you will make a head way in your life this year eh, you better re- asses your relationships with your friends so that you are not pulled back. Here goes.

1. THE OPPORTUNIST
An opportunist never sees the bright side; they only see what’s in it for them, and this marks them as a frenemy, making it easy to identify a negative friendship with them. They utilize their methods of manipulation to take advantage of your kindness and reap all the benefits.

2. ME, ME, ME!
Have you ever noticed that one of your friends must remain the center of attention at all times? The truth about this friend isn’t that she’s confident, and everyone likes her. It’s that she has extremely low self-esteem and wants the focus on her instead of you, because she feels threatened by you. When this becomes an everyday occurrence it’s time to unload this toxic attention hoarder; it’s your turn to shine.

3. ALWAYS THE VICTIM; NEVER THE VILLAIN
Taking responsibility for one’s own actions is a part of becoming a mature adult. If the constant theme with this friend is that she never does anything wrong, she is incapable of seeing her shortcomings. She is irresponsible and will eventually turn the focus of her pity party toward you, at any time that you do not agree with her completely.

4. YOU’RE ALL MINE
At any time that your friend tries to take control over the amount of time you spend with others, it’s time to steer clear of her. This is a red flag implying clearly that she is a control freak. Like the founder of a Sisters Fellowship International, Mummy Nches Iredu will say, such a friend will hijack your bag to pick your phone to know how many people that called you and the ones you spent time talking with. They want to know everything you do per time.

5. SUPERIORITY COMPLEX
Friends who are too afraid to just be themselves, and score friends on their own merit utilize the techniques of the superiority complex to make themselves look better than you. They discuss your private details, especially your failures, with others in an attempt to make themselves appear superior to you. In truth, they fear you and are extremely jealous of your ability to be who you are, as they are too cowardly to do so themselves.

6. THE LACK OF GUMPTION
Toxic friends are incapable of standing up to similar friends. They’re aware fully of the negative attributes of these friends, but will never stand up to them. She will take on a passive attitude toward these friends when they do something negative to you as well. The entire reason that she remains your friend is because she can manipulate you. In truth, she’s highly submissive, herself, and is incapable of handling anyone who stands up to her. Show her that you do have gumption, and you won’t be mistreated.

7. YOU STILL EXIST?
You can call her all day and never get a response, but the moment she needs anything you’d better be there o or else! Does this sound familiar? This is another sign of a one-sided friendship. She needs you to handle her responsibilities for her, but she doesn’t want to repay the favor.

8. THE MOOCH MONSTER
The sad reality is that not all mooch monsters are unemployed. The underlying factor is that they just don’t want to spend their own money, if they can spend yours. You always receive a story of sadden and desperation along with a list of their hardships.

9. THE QUEEN B
She is controlling and manipulative. She believes that she rules every aspect of your life and will deliberately cause drama for you to get what she wants. As I learned the hard way, these toxic friends will even stoop so low as to attempt to use your children to get their way. Negative friends will only bring you down to their level if you stick around. They will wreak havoc on your life and use you at every turn.

Everything you have here is as a result of what I have experienced as well as others I spoke to. Some told me how they quietly and in some cases harshly did away with some nasty friendship. I would love to hear from your my dear Sistas how you handled very toxic friendship. Till next week.

Shalom!