Archive | April 2014

Reasons You Should Ignore People’s Negative Criticism.

Quite often, people love to give their opinions about your life, work and what you do, but there are reasons to ignore people’s negative criticism that will benefit you tremendously! It’s also important to recognize the difference between constructive criticism and rude and negative comments that have no basis whatsoever! Constructive critiques are valuable in how we learn and grow, but hurtful words and criticism are only mean and negative. Don’t let those mean words affect you! Here are some great reasons to ignore people’s negative criticism- keep reading!
1. BE YOUR OWN CRITIC

Most of the time we are our worst critic. How you appear to others, what you wear, how talented you are, how great a friend you are, etc, are all judged most harshly by you! When someone slams you with a negative comment or critique, it can be easy to take offense. Part of you fears that it may be true based on your own harsh perception of yourself, and thus your fears are being validated in a way. Don’t think this way! Instead, recognize that one of the reasons to ignore people’s negative criticism is that the real power is held in how you view yourself, not how others view you.
2. ONLY YOUR LOVED ONES’ AFFIRMATIONS MATTER

It can be easy, especially if you’re a particularly driven person, to cling to what others think about you and their affirmation regarding your work. In reality, the only opinions that truly matter are those of family and close friends. This is why it hurts more deeply when loved and trusted people in our lives say mean things! However, most of the time they are the ones who have your back no matter what. So, don’t hold tight to the negativity of those who don’t know you well and wouldn’t be affected by your presence in their lives.
3. THEY ARE PROBABLY INSECURE & JEALOUS

Often times, negative criticism and hurtful words come from those who are insecure about their own lives and talents. Jealousy is a nasty emotion that spurs people to say mean things and have feelings of contempt towards lovely and beautiful people. Understanding that outlandish and hurtful remarks are generally coming from a place of deep insecurity and jealousy is key in being able to brush them aside without regard.
4. THEY DON’T KNOW YOU

I’ve found that people who are the most hurtful and critical are the ones who don’t know you that well to begin with. It’s easy to be critical of people we don’t know because our minds like to capture the worst in others- it’s the human condition of wanting to be better than everyone else while having everything figured out. We have ALL been there at some point in life, but that doesn’t mean this belief is appropriate or beneficial. Instead, choose to believe the best about others, even the people you don’t know, because they might be going through something difficult and scary!
5. YOU’RE THE BETTER PERSON

Quick reactions to hurtful words or deeds are usually ones of anger and retaliation. Unfortunately, using anger and hurt to get back at people for hurting you in the first place is just stooping to their level! You don’t look better to them, but instead it probably confirms their initial beliefs about you in the first place. A better approach is to “kill” them with kindness. People don’t except a kind response and it may in fact blow them away and allow them to feel guilty for being out of line.
6. MEAN PEOPLE ARE TO BE PITIED

Mean people are the ones who deserve pity because their lives are not full of happiness and joy. If they were, they wouldn’t be quick to lash out with negative criticism towards you! I understand that everyone has bad days and on those days, it’s easier to say things you don’t mean. But you know what? Those people usually follow up with an apology after! If a person is critical of you in a non-constructive way, assume they don’t have things easy and just let it go.
7. BE CONFIDENT AND ASSURED IN WHO YOU ARE

Lastly, and probably most importantly, be assured in who you are and confident in your skills. When you’re confident, you’re much less likely to feed into negativity and let it affect you. You’re also more prone to productivity and success because of the assurance you carry on your shoulders. Remember to also be humble in your abilities, which is far more beneficial than a prideful person unable to accept failure.

Remember that it’s all in your attitude, in how you respond to negative criticism! Having a positive outlook means everything in not allowing negativity to weigh you down. Shalom!

How To Overcome Hateful People

I have found out that no matter how friendly and good-hearted you may be, you will always have to deal with hateful people at some point in your life. There are just some individuals out there who enjoy feeding on negative energy and while they might have their own reasons for that, it is never appropriate to put someone else down even if you feel like they deserve it. It is impossible to shield yourself or your loved ones from negativity, so the only things you can do are learn how to deal with hateful people and grow thicker skin. Believe me Sistas, I have been the butt of hateful people who one way or the other tried to take me to their ugly places until I stumbled unto this article. I decided to share this because I know there are a lot of you out there that must have had or is having this my experience. Read and learn as I am learning or have learnt from what I read. Remember, I said I will always bring to you information I read to make our lives better. Enjoy!

1. KEEP CALM

One of the key ways to deal with hateful people is to keep your cool. Difficult and hateful individuals are just waiting to get a reaction from you, but if you show them that their opinions or perspectives mean nothing to you, they will eventually see no point in attacking your character. Plus you don’t want to spent any energy or give your attention to trivial things or people such as them.
2. SWITCH PERSPECTIVES

When somebody is tainting your reputation or trashing you as a person, the first question that comes to mind is ‘Why?’ You begin to brainstorm their motive and try to figure out whether it is something that you have done. Trying to switch your perspective and judging the situation from another point of view may actually be the best thing to do. Figuring out the root of the problem will open your eyes to where that person is coming from and help you rationalize the situation on a deeper level.
3. PICK YOUR BATTLES

While approaching the problem head on and confronting the person directly may often solve the problem, other times the best thing to do is to ignore the negativity altogether. With time, you learn from personal experiences and realize that most personal attacks are not worth your time. Therefore think whether that hateful person really deserves your attention.
4. DON’T STOOP TO THEIR LEVEL

The only way to come out on top in this type of a situation is to not stoop to their level. I know how tempting it may be to point out the other person’s flaws and mistakes when your defense mechanism kicks in, but as Gandhi once said “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” Instead of making it a bigger deal than it already is, there are classier ways to deal with the situation.
5. UNDERSTAND THAT IT IS THEIR PROBLEM

To be honest, most of the time when an individual attacks another with no real basis for their claim, it really shows more about their character than anyone else’s. If they feel like there is a problem and you don’t, it is something that they should deal with themselves. They may be displacing their anger on you as a result of their own personal problems, in which case it is not something you have to worry about, unless of course that person’s happiness is of your concern.
6. DON’T LET THEIR COMMENTS AFFECT YOU

Words can hurt only if you give them the power to. In order to be mentally strong and withstand any hateful remarks thrown your way, it is important to be confident about yourself and build your owns self-esteem. It is completely possible to feel good about yourself without coming off egocentric or self-absorbed. It just takes a lot of understanding and self-growth as a person.
7. DETACH YOURSELF FROM THAT PERSON

While you should never easily give up on people in your life, sometimes it is important to prioritize relationships and actually see if some of them even worth the work you put into them. Toxic friendships or relationships are never worthy the struggle; they only damage you as a person and leave emotional scars. Therefore don’t be afraid to weed out friendships or any other relationships that are just not healthy. Surround yourself with people who bring you joy and provide support.

One way or another you will have to deal with hateful people, it’s completely inevitable! However it doesn’t mean that you are powerless against them.

Shalom Sistas!

Why We Should Always Forgive

The gifts of forgiveness are such beautiful blessings. They can make you wonder why you ever held on to bitterness and anger for so long. It is hard to reach a place where you can forgive someone that really hurt you. However, the gifts of forgiveness are well worth doing the work to get through those difficult feelings. I was reading an article recently and I came across some reasons why it is necessary for us to forgive very easily when people offend us. Remember, the bible said that offense will definitely come, hmm! How you handle these offense depends on how developed you are. Believe me it has been a long road to recovery, I am still on the journey of overcoming the struggle of holding on to my anger, hurt and betrayals when they come but for my spiritual journey and well being, I must let go. Here are some reasons why we should forgive, enjoy!

1. INNER PEACE

One of the sweetest gifts of forgiveness is that you will feel an inner peace that has eluded you for so long. It is impossible to feel inner peace when you are harboring anger toward someone, even if it is justified. Feeling angry when you have been wronged is normal. The important thing is that you don’t stay there forever. You need to work through those feelings and forgive those that hurt you.
2. FEELING LIGHTER

One of the difficult things about holding a grudge against someone is that it really weighs you down. You don’t realize how hard it is to carry that weight until you aren’t carrying it any longer. Carrying unforgiveness and grudges can make you feel heavy with the burden of it. When you reach a point where you can forgive those who wronged you, you will feel so much lighter. This is one of the wonderful gifts of forgiveness.
3. NO MORE DREAD

Along with the other negative things about holding onto past hurts is that you have to deal with dread. You most likely dread seeing that person and dealing with them in any context. This is not fun and can really cast a shadow over your life. When you forgive them, you don’t have to deal with that dread anymore. You can move forward without that problem hanging over your head.
4. FREEDOM TO MOVE ON

Holding onto things that have hurt and angered you keeps you hung up emotionally. You are essentially stuck. This is because you are keeping yourself emotionally tied to that person or those people that you are angry with. You will have freedom to heal and move on when you forgive them. We often think that forgiving others is a gift to them, but it is more of a gift we give ourselves.
5. LESS STRESS

You will have much less stress when you let go of past hurts. Holding onto things that have happened to you is stressful. It takes a lot of your energy to deal with. Why not forgive those that have hurt you and have the gift of less stress in your life? This can sometimes be very hard to do; I know this from my own personal life, but it is well worth the effort.
6. MORE MENTAL SPACE

Holding on to your anger and hurt takes a lot of your mental space. This is something that we often don’t even realize until later. After you work through your feelings and reach a point where you can forgive others, it is then that you will realize how much mental space it was taking up. You will have more mental space to think about other things in your life, positive things that are life-giving. It is much better to spend your time thinking on good things.
7. JOYFUL LIVING

When you reach the point where you can forgive those that have wronged you, you will begin to experience joyful living again. You will remember that life is full of beautiful blessings. You will be reminded that there are so many things to be thankful for and joyful over. You will probably wonder why you wasted so much of your life feeling angry and hurt when joyful living was an option. Joyful living is always a better choice than hanging on to unforgiveness.

Shalom Sistas!

Giving Your Self Confidence A Boost

One of the things I set out to achieve with this blog was to share information on life style, health, home keeping, advocacy, fashion, children, men, finance, relationships of all kind as long as it is pleasing to God and etc. You might need to refresh your memory by visiting the,  ‘About Today’s Sistas Page’, ( thank you for passing by). Now we are going to know about boosting our self confidence, you see I came across this article somewhere and after reading I felt there was need to share it so here we go.

Feeling down is something that happens naturally occasionally. But if you find out that this has become a constant thing with you then SISTA you need something to be done about your self confidence. Self confidence is not only important for success but also  a very attractive quality to friends and the opposite sex. Self confidence can help one in their personal life. To be self confident, you don’t have to be conceited. Confidence is a presence you present. It shows through you being kind, direct, calm and in control. It shows you are capable without being cocky. We women need a little extra self confidence in today’s society which unfortunately keep telling us through all the forms of media that we aren’t worth anything unless we look like a model, wear size 4 or 6 and have a celebrity wardrobe. Sistas, listen you don’t need any of those things to have a great life. Those things don’t make you important, beautiful or better than others. They also don’t automatically give you happiness. Below are some ways you will employ to boost your self confidence the right way and you’ll not only feel happiness but show it too.

 

  • SMILE: Smiling is one of the best ways to boost your self confidence . The act of smiling constitutes SEROTONIN production in the brain which make you happy. We are all more confident when we are happy . Smiling also shows your true self without constraints. When you genuinely smile, it helps you not only appear confident but it feels it too. Smiling is one of the most attractive qualities you can possess, so start grinning and get confident.
  • WEAR YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR: My favourite color is, hmm! White! it is not that I wear white all the time but it comes in handy on the days I need a boost morally!  I wear it on the days I want to feel more like myself, more together and more sophisticated. For you it could be any colour  but whatever colour it is, wear it and you will naturally feel more confident.
  • DRESS YOUR AGE AND COMFORTABLY: No one feels comfortable when they dress uncomfortably. To all those sistas who want to dress like their teenage daughters when they should not, abeg make una stop am! When you do this you end up tugging this way and that , pulling this way and that . Don’t wear pants or skirts or blouses that are too tight or too loose. No one cares how old you are or what size you wear except you and wouldn’t you rather feel comfortable and look better than fit in a certain size or wear clothes that make you feel frumpy, jor o! I know I would!
  • EAT HEALTHY: When we eat healthy food, our skin looks better and we all  better know we feel better about ourselves when our skin looks better. To look pretty eat pretty. Make sure you eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, lots of green stuff, proteins and healthy fats. Eat less of sugar refined stuff and processed stuff (believe me I am struggling to stop eating them sugar and processed food)
  • SPEAK YOUR MIND: Sometimes when you don’t feel confident you can’t defend yourself, you find it difficult voicing an opinion or give your input in a conversation, but you should. Speaking your mind is a great way to boost your self confidence . You will feel better just by speaking what you feel, even if no one agrees. If everyone else is allowed to give their input, why shouldn’t you?
  • WRITE IT OUT: Writing out your feelings, goals or struggles can be a major self confidence booster. For starters, it allows you to tangibly tap into your head, heart and mind which have been taken over by anxiety, fear and worries. Not writing things down can lead to stress, confusion, and the inability to make decisions. I have a journal where I write down everything and anything that is important to me. I always go back to this journal to remind myself of decisions I took or have taken or about to take. My journal is where I run to when I need to talk to someone and there is nobody.
  • FIND GOOD FRIENDS: If you have friends that always put you down down, this is the time to let them go. If you have friends that are rude, make you feel bad, brings down your self esteem, please let them go. You need to be around people that support you for you.  The right friends might be just around the corner, but you will not find them if you constantly stay around the ones that hurt you instead of support you. Good friends can make us feel more self confident by boosting our self esteem, encouraging us and being  there for us. They also make us laugh and make us feel important.
  • FIND A HOBBY: When you look deep inside you will notice that there is a hobby or talent you really enjoy and you are not pursuing. Indulging in something that interests you is what makes you tick. It engages you, lifts your spirit and gives you confidence. Even if others don’t like or approve of what you are doing but as long as it is making you happy please go on with it. For me it is watching movies, cooking and helping out the needy. To that end I have just registered an NGO to cater to the needs of young girls and women. Every time I am working on this my project I feel excited and on top of the world, what about you?
  • EXERCISE: Aside from your your weight, exercise is such an important activity. It send ENDORPHINS flying throughout your body which not only make you happy, but also make you confident. When you take care of your body, you will automatically feel more confident.
  • GIVE TO OTHERS: One of the best ways to make yourself more confident is to genuinely help other people with the right heart and attitude. You won’t even realize it makes you more confident, but it does. Deep within all of us is the ability and need to help others. Find this part of yourself and become happier, more confident, and more engaged in the world around you. You don’t have to do some massive act either. Get creative and start giving.

Self confidence is easy to achieve when we do these things. Now that I have done my bits I want you my readers to add or share with me those things you do to boost your confidence. It will be fun to see the things we can do to boost our confidence. Shalom!