Archive | August 2013

Reasons Why It Is Okay To Make Mistakes.

Mistakes according to Collins Concise Dictionary is an, “error or blunder in action and opinion”. The second definition was that it is, “a misconception or misunderstanding”. People make mistakes, everyone will probably make a mistake at one point or the other in their life. Making mistakes Sistas, is part of growing up -physically and spiritually. Just like a child will make mistakes as he / she grows in life, we can expect to make mistakes  in life and as we grow in our walk with God. George Bernard Shaw said and I quote, “A LIFE SPENT MAKING MISTAKES IS NOT ONLY MORE HONOURABLE, BUT MORE USEFUL THAN A LIFE SPENT DOING NOTHING”  Proverbs 24 v 16, (NIV)  and I quote again, FOR THOUGH THE RIGHTEOUS FALL SEVEN TIMES, THEY SHALL RISE AGAIN….”  Psalm 37 v 24 (ESV) said and I quote, ” THOUGH HE FALL, HE SHALL NOT BE CAST HEADLONG, FOR THE LORD UPHOLD HIS HAND”

The fear of making mistakes can prevent one from trying anything new or moving out of our comfort zone, trust me I have been there. This is a terrible waste of skills and talents and robs one off from truly enjoying life.

The word “mistakes” usually strike fear in a lot of people’s mind when it really shouldn’t . They are actually good things not bad. You can’t grow if you don’t allow yourself to make mistakes. The trick is to focus on what you learned from the mistake and improve.

Walter Anderson in his book, THE CONFIDENCE COURSESEVEN STEPS TO SELF FULFILMENT”, says, ‘In order to live a fulfilled life, to feel exhilarated by your accomplishment, to work well, you must expect mistakes to occur and you must practice what I call RIP, which stands for, RESPONSIBILITY, INSIGHT AND PERSPECTIVE. It also means as you know REST IN PEACE, which in itself may not be a bad way to look at your mistakes”

It is not worth wasting your time agonizing over things in the past my sistas, it saps energy, initiations time etc. You just need to recognize that you simply made a mistake. That doesn’t mean you are a failure, Mbanu!  because you  committed a blunder somewhere. MY dear know that you and that costly mistakes no be one o at all. You learned something valuable from it and Nne! move forward! . When you move on, it means you can focus on a solution and be far further ahead than if you’d never allowed yourself to make the mistake.

Lots of times when we make mistakes, we find out that we just learned a different strategy. Your actions probably were not getting what you wanted so you needed to think of a different way. That is not a mistake, that is simply exploration and discovery. You understand what I am saying? Knowing all these will make you know that to make a mistake in your life is the key to happy living.

Now sistas, here is a list of reasons you should know why I now don’t berate myself much when I commit any blunder.

  1. YOU CAN LEARN FROM MISTAKES.

As adults, when you make mistakes, you are bound to learn from them, because when you consider the pain, shame, humiliation you suffered, you will not want a repetition. It will make you to be matured and thats where the saying, ” once bitten, twice shy comes into play”.

2.   WE ALL DO IT.

When you realize say no be only you dey fumble, you go adjust and realize say this thing no dey peculiar to you alone.

3.   YOU ARE HUMAN

As human beings we are not perfect. Every person is special and unique in their own way and making mistakes is part of being human.

4.   YOU CAN ALWAYS TRY AGAIN.

Remember Jimmy Cliff‘s, ‘YOU CAN GET IT IF YOU REALLY WANT, BUT YOU MUST TRY AND YOU SUCCEEDS AT LAST” song way back?  Being able to try again and again until you get it is one perk of making mistakes. There is always a room for improvement with mistakes.

5.   MISTAKES FUEL AMBITION!

I am a living testimony to this, Chai!  life dealt me a bad hand some years ago and when I got up from where I fell I became something else. I told myself that I will not be caught unawares again and I started thinking of how to show my detractors that I am not where I fell, I exchanged my naivety for ruggedness, my foolishness to wisdom and today I am amazed at the things I can do. Sistas, don’t get me wrong but I want to tell you that mistakes will make you move instead of being stationary.

6   MISTAKES HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHO YOU ARE.

People know when you are naive, non-challant,  giving ,sensitive etc and want to mess you up. It is unfortunate that people usually take advantage of people’s personalities. Some for good purpose while others for very bad purpose. If you are the kind of person that is too soft, people will mess you big time. By the time you must have had several ugly and nasty experiences, you will sit back and adjust yourself for the better.

In conclusion, for me sistas, I now see making mistakes as a university where you alone is the student o, my prayer for all of us is that even if we fall a zillion times that we will rise with God being our helper.

Loving Who You Are.(Being Fearfully And Wonderfully Made, Psalm 139 v 14)

We live in a world where loving who you are created to be is tough. Many times society ingrains in us  a sense of never being good enough and that the only way to be great is to be like every one else. Internet, magazines, television, radio etc all abound on how things should be. Well Sistas, let me tell you, they all are sadly mistaken. Not being able  to love who you are is one of the most important challenges to overcome. I must say sistas that if you are not careful  you will listen to all the nonsense that the society is saying. Sistas, my bible told me me in Psalm 139 v 14 that and I quote, “I PRAISE YOU BECAUSE I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE: YOUR WORKS (BY THE WAY WHICH INCLUDE ME) ARE WONDERFUL, I KNOW THAT FULL WELL”. (NIV). THE MESSAGE BIBLE even put it more deliciously, if there is a word like that, it said, ” I THANK YOU, HIGH GOD- YOU’RE BREATHTAKING! BODY AND SOUL, I AM MARVELOUSLY MADE! YOU KNOW ME INSIDE AND OUT, YOU KNOW EVERY BONE IN MY BODY……..”. Pheew! what more do we need to know? You see sistas, I am on the big side and I tried to make myself fit into what the world says I should be and I tried and tried and to some extent I am still trying though just to keep fit, then I woke up one day and this passage of the bible hit me and I looked it up from different translations of the bible and immediately I took a firm decision to make myself happy, OROBO or not, LEKPA or not jor. Now let me tell you some reasons why you should love who God created you to be because each day I look at myself and these reasons go through my mind.

  1. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL

Sistas, see don’t bother about the kind of body type you have, what your personality is like, or who your parents are. Remember, Psalm 139 v 14 said, I will praise thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made, marvelous are your works (which include you) and that my soul knoweth right (KJV). Now go look in the mirror, yes, right now. You can’t possibly tell me that the wonderful woman looking right back at you is ugly. My sista, you are beautiful oooo and it is a wonderful reason to love who you are. Who get nose like you? Who em mouth resemble your own? Who get your eyes, yes those lovely eyes?

2.  SELF LOVE

Being able to love who you are is important o to live your day properly. And loving the person you have turned out to be is the first step. If you don’t love who you are then somebody else will tell you otherwise. A lot of times, we forget about the importance of showing ourselves love. Abeg! my sistas, make you carry those hand wey Papa God give you wrap around yourself and tell yourself that He God look you finish come send em only begotten son, Jesus Christ to die for you, that for Christ to have done this, it means you  are worth something. Love yourself no matter what!

3.  THERE IS ONLY ONE OF YOU.

Unless like the home video in Nigeria will show us, (NOLLYWOOD), You have an evil twin somewhere in this universe (just kidding), know there is onlly one like you. There is none like you. You are unique, and special in your own way and that is not going to change. It is mind buggling to know that there is no one like you in this whole wide world. You are one of a kind. That to me is something to make me love me!

4.   CONFIDENCE IS THE KEY.

Loving who you are is a wonderful confidence booster. Being able to know you are fabulous will enable you to be fabulous in everything you do. If you have confidence in yourself it will translate to your relationships, businesses, career etc.

5.   SERENITY

The woman who knows herself and the God she is serving will be serene, she will have this peace and joy about her. Simplicity, serenity and tranquility of spirit is possible for the woman who simplifies her life and learns to rest in God. When you love who you are, you will know that no matter what challenges life brings your way, you will offer everything to God through an accepting faith, trusting in His ability to provide for and protect you.

6.    HELP STOP PUT DOWNS

Knowing who you are means that you will not tolerate put downs. Put downs are situations that will try telling you otherwise what you are and your capabilities. They are friends who will want to put you down, (unfriendly friends) if you know what I mean. They are people that you will mentally and always put yourself down for.  NOOOO! you don’t need these category of people. They are parasites, they are not healthy for a happy life. So do away with those kind of friends.

Loving who you are in this our contemporary world can be a handful but when you realize who you are, it becomes amazingly easy. I want to conclude that loving yourself means that you have to love your heart, mind, body, spirit, soul, personality and God. My hope is that when you chance on this blog post, you will stop seeing yourself through the eye of the world.

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Leaving A Legacy For Your Children

Recently I had the opportunity of attending a non denominational women prayer meeting called, ‘WHEN WOMEN PRAY’. You see I am someone that likes going to an all women fellowship or gathering because I love being in the midst of women praising, worshiping, praying and desperately crying out to God. When you are in such a gathering you are unmindful of the nearest woman because you don’t wanna know what brought her there. Again, I love attending such meetings because I am a Vice President in my Chapter of Sisters’ Fellowship International (SFI). Hmmm? My Chapter is known as Area 3 Favoured Chapter, Garki, Abuja. Being a leader in my fellowship, I like going to these gatherings so as to get the best in those meetings and duplicating what I saw in my Chapter. Now back to my encounter at WWP and what prompted this write -up. A few days to my attending this meeting, I had started asking myself if as a mother I was leaving the right legacy for my children. My spirit was down and I was not happy. You see Sistas, I have a 12+ year old son that wants to be cajoled, shouted at, prompted, intimidated before he does anything and everything. He does not want to be told to do anything! He is falling behind in his grades as he is a boarder and I am not there always to remind him to read his books or copy his notes. When he came home for the holidays and he continued in the same way I went in to my closet and desperately asked God to show me where I had failed as a mother. It was a shock to me to attend WWP and hear this question, MOTHERS, WHAT KIND OF LEGACY ARE YOU LEAVING FOR YOUR CHILDREN? When the woman of God started preaching I fell down on my knees and asked God to forgive me as I saw the areas I failed as a mother. Before I go forward, I think we should define some basics.

What is a Legacy? A LEGACY is a gift or bequest that is handed down, endowed or conveyed from one person to another. It is something descendible because one comes into possession of that that is transmitted, inherited or received from from a predecessor. It is to allow or cause something originating from an ancestral source to spread between people or provide something freely and naturally. A legacy can be tangible (physical) or intangible (spiritual) in nature.  Mothers what have you left or what are you leaving behind for your children. Are we leaving, anger, stealing, gossiping, promiscuity, back-biting, coveteousness, foolish talking etc. Have you left what they will see now that you are alive. A lot of people are suffering from terrible legacies that were inherited from their predecessors, that is why you see a lot of girls jumping from one man to another because their fore-mothers probably were way ward.

We mothers spend lavishly on physical things for our children, tangible things that do not have spiritual backing. We do not leave spiritual  legacies such as LOVE, RESPECT, HONOR, INTEGRITY, WISDOM, LONG SUFFERING, HONESTY ETC. The best legacy a mother can leave for her children is JESUS, Halleluyah! When was the last time you spoke to your children about God? What do they know about God, are your kids saved? What can they say about their mother and her relationship to God?. Deuteronomy 6 v 6-9 says and I quote, ‘And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy knees” (KJV). Tell your children about heavenly things, anytime, anywhere and anyhow. You are children’s mentor so anything you do they will copy you. You are their coach, you direct them to which path they will go.

Mothers please teach your children how to do house chores even when the child is showing himself lazy like my son, make him or her do chores, don’t surround them  with all manner of house helps, gardeners, cooks etc. In my case I kept feeling my kids were too young and by the time they were old enough they are finding it difficult to cope. Good news is that I am on top of all that now, it is tough but for the sake of my kids I will not back down. Mothers be careful the media gadgets you expose your children to. A friend of mine that works in a hospital told me of a case that frightened me. She said that three sisters ages between 3-10 were admitted into their hospital and where to undergo a procedure to repair their vagina because the girls were involved in lesbianism activities. they will finger each other three times sometimes five times in a day! At the hospital the 7 year old girl told the doctors that it was her 10 year old sister tha fingers her and then she the 7 year old fingers the 3 year old sister. The girl said they learnt all that from their mother’s IPAD! She even showed the doctor the sites they visit because she the 7 year old was playing games with her mother’s IPAD.  When the mother was called in all she was doing was to shout, “these children have killed me o!” I ask where was she when all these were happening, how come she did not say no to her children using her IPAD? Mothers please protect your children from all these information technology. We allow them to watch and listen to anything and everything. Discipline your children, know how to say no when it is necessary. It is not everything they ask that you give them.

Examples abound in the bible of parents that did not leave good legacies for their children. 1. Eli (1 Sam 3 v 13). ” 2. Lot (Gen 19 v 30 – 38). 3. Samuel (1 Sam 8 v 3-5). 4. David (1 Kings 1 v 6)

Lastly mothers let us be prayerful, Lamentation 2 v 19 said, “Arise, cry out in the night, as the watches of the night begin: pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord. Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children, who faint from hunger at every street corner” (MSG). Mothers, Sistas, Girlfriends and Aunts intercede for your children, declare days of fasting for your children, wake up in the middle of the night and desperately cry out to God to take care of your children. Deposit constantly in the bank of heaven prayers that will sustain your children while you are alive and years after you are gone. That to me is the best legacy a mother can leave for her children.